A Talk With Abbey Chandler
From On A Dark Wing by Jordan Dane
1) If you could change one thing about the day your mother died, what would it be?
Only one? The easy answer is—I would never have missed that damned school bus. If I had a groundhog day and could do something different, I would’ve faked being sick and stayed home from school. Or I could have resisted the urge for a Pepsi and Cheetos and quit being such a junk food addict, but wishing for a do-over has been pure torture and it never changed anything. I like to think that I eventually would have been smart enough to realize that, but after years of nightmares where nothing ever changed and my mom died over and over—I only felt worse about what I did.
2) Do you ever think you will be able to see ravens in the same way again?
Ravens look scary. Have you ever stared at one, for real? They got those beady black eyes that look dead. It’s like they know something you don’t. I mean, there’s got to be a reason that Poe wrote about them to scare people, right? That’s how I felt about ravens before. Now when I see one, I think about my first kiss. Gawh! Guess that’s another reason I’m weird.
3) Before meeting Death, would you have ever believed that beings such as spirits were possible?
I don’t think of Death as a spirit. Not really. Whatever it means to have a soul, I believe he has one, like all of us do. He just doesn’t have a body, unless he borrows one and takes it for a spin. How amazing is that? And if what he showed me is real, what else is out there that we can’t see?
The first time I saw the boy made of clouds and sky, he felt more like a powerful energy force. I should have been afraid of him, but I wasn’t. He made the pain and my shivering go away. I thought I’d dreamed him. It’s hard to explain, but the instant I took his hand he made me feel connected to…everything, like I was important and really mattered. I felt…loved. I tried to explain this to Tanner. He said he totally got it, but I’m not sure I can ever find the words to describe how at peace I felt. I didn’t feel alone either. The day of the accident, I really wanted to go with that boy—stay with him—but my mother’s voice shook me. She made me afraid again—for her. I used to be scared of dying, but now, not so much. I just got things I wanna do before that happens, you know?
4) When your secret crush, Nate Holden, showed up on your mountain and kissed you—in the back of your mind, did you have a feeling that his sudden interest in you seemed too good to be true?
Guess I was delusional to think some great perfect guy could actually have an interest in me, huh? But if Robert Pattinson, Liam Hemsworth or Alex Pettyfer came up to you and kissed you, I bet you’d let him do it without asking ‘why me,’ wouldn’t you? I had to know what it felt like to be a regular girl with a guy who actually wanted to kiss her. Is having a crush with a movie actor so different from the fantasy I had over a guy in my school? I guess I have to say that I never thought anything real would happen with Nate. Yeah, when he kissed me, I probably should have freaked more or questioned what happened, but I just…couldn’t. I held onto that moment—just for me—until I had to let it go. Was that wrong?
5) Are there days where you wish you could see your mother one more time and get a chance to say goodbye? If so, how do you deal with those days?
Death gave me something very special. It’s too personal to talk about online, but I feel closer to my mom than I ever did before. I can’t explain what happened. All I know is that a mother’s love is a powerful thing and not even Death can stop it. I actually feel my mom sometimes, when I least expect her. Maybe she’s always with me. (Gawd, I hope she doesn’t come with me in the bathroom or see me naked in the shower.)
But on days when I need to feel her with me, sometimes I look through our family photo albums or wear some of her old clothes. And I can’t eat a roasted marshmallow without feeling her with me. Is that crazy? I hope not.
-This is T.B. with Another Book Back on the Shelf...
Until Next Time, Keep Reading!